


the beauty of him

by Quagswagging



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Sex, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26598358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quagswagging/pseuds/Quagswagging
Summary: Marcus loved Alexandra.Or so he thought.Marcus loved Alexandra, but he couldn't get a pair of gentle green eyes and a soft Italian accent out of his head.
Relationships: Marcus Ericsson/Alexandra Wictoria, Marcus Ericsson/Antonio Giovinazzi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	the beauty of him

**Author's Note:**

> look I obviously don't approve of cheating in any way, but yeah uh this happened.
> 
> Thank you Napsi for coming up with the title I am absolutely useless at that❤

Marcus loved Alexandra.

Or so he thought.

Alexandra was sweet and kind and Marcus felt comfortable around her, and it was that comfort that had enabled him to push down the nagging feeling in his chest, the feeling that said ‘She is not the one.’ 

Marcus loved Alexandra.

At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. 

She went with him wherever he had to go, to the USA when he had to for races, or to other countries when he had to attend Formula 1 races. He valued her company, valued being able to feel at home wherever he went. 

But did he truly love her? He wasn’t sure.

Marcus had always thought Antonio was _gorgeous_. Marcus was still somewhat confused whether he even liked men that way, but he couldn’t help feeling as if Antonio was the most beautiful guy he has ever seen, inside and out.

Antonio was shy, and Marcus was a friendly guy, just wanting to make the Italian feel more at home in the team. He always made sure to talk to the Italian whenever he had the chance, Antonio otherwise seeming to be a bit left out.

Marcus even introduced Alexandra to Antonio when she happened to have accompanied him to a race. He should have been proud to introduce his girlfriend, but really he was only excited to introduce Antonio.

Marcus really should get his head around all of this very soon. Alexandra and Antonio seemed to get along, but that only made Marcus feel worse.

Antonio seemed to notice the mix of emotions on Marcus’s face as Alexandra left, the two men waiting for a meeting to start.

“Are you okay?” Antonio asked softly, touching Marcus’s shoulder in worry. Marcus exhaled shakily, goosebumps forming on his skin as he looked into the Italian’s kind green eyes,

“Just tired.” Marcus whispered, pretending like he didn’t want to know what Antonio’s plump lips would feel like on his. Antonio squeezed his arm softly, those damned plump lips forming a gentle smile.

“Good, I was starting to worry.” Antonio whispered, eyes briefly falling to Marcus’s lips before he tensed, suddenly stepping away.

Marcus swallowed thickly and averted his eyes too.

God, he was so fucked.

~~~~~~

“Hey Charles.” Marcus greeted his former teammate with a grin, hugging the Monégasque tightly and kissing his cheek.

“It’s been ages!” Charles complained, ushering Marcus to sit down in the booth he had reserved for them - at a restaurant they had frequented often when they had been teammates. Pierre was there too, the Frenchman greeting Marcus with a small wave before wrapping his arm around Charles’s waist.

“Max and Daniel are late as always.” Charles complained loudly, sipping his wine. Marcus chuckled at his friend’s antics, fondly rolling his eyes.

This was nice, familiar even.

He almost felt back at home for the first time in forever. 

Max greeted Marcus with a simple pat on the shoulder, seeming happy enough to see him even if they weren’t close. The Dutchman hugged Pierre and then hesitantly hugged Charles as well, a hug so awkward Marcus couldn’t help but grin.

“Hi Mate, it’s been too long.” Daniel smiled, hugging Marcus tightly. Marcus sighed and clutched on to Daniel for just a moment too long. 

“It’s good to see you again.” Marcus smiled, patting Daniel’s shoulder before letting the Aussie slip into the booth before him, so Daniel could sit next to Max.

“Alexandra couldn’t make it?” Charles asked. Marcus’s cheeks coloured a soft pink.

He hadn’t even thought to invite her, even though she was in Monaco with him.

“She eh… she is having dinner with her friends.” Marcus said vaguely, even though Alexandra was really just at home.

“Too bad, now you’re our fifth wheel.” Daniel teased. Marcus chuckled.

“I’m okay with that.” he muttered. Charles threw him a curious look but Marcus pretended not to notice.

He didn’t know what to say.

~~~~~~

Dan and Max invited them all back to their shared apartment for some drinks, and Marcus finally found his courage in the bottom of the bottle of wine they shared.

“How did you know? That you… were meant to be together?” he blurted out in general. Daniel raised an eyebrow, glancing at Max.

"I suppose it's just the way you feel around someone." He said, letting Max cuddle into his side. "You just… can't stop thinking about that person at first, and then you get together and things calm down, but even then you just fucking love that person for the little things." He added with a shrug.

"How romantic." Max whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to Daniel's lips. 

"Why are you asking?" Pierre asked curiously. Charles gasped.

"Are you going to propose to Alexandra?" The Monégasque asked excitedly. Marcus swallowed thickly.

"Y-yes." He lied.

"Congrats man." Daniel beamed, squeezing his shoulder. Marcus smiled weakly.

_If only they knew_

~~~~~

"Hi baby, how was dinner?" Alexandra asked when Marcus came home. Marcus smiled at her while he hung up his coat.

"It was good to see the guys again." He muttered, walking over and dropping down on the sofa next to Alexandra. Alexandra leaned in to kiss him, and Marcus felt horrible when the kiss made him feel _nothing_. Alexandra noticed the way he held back and sighed.

"What has been going on with you?" She asked softly, carding her fingers through Marcus's hair to mess up the neatly styled strands.

"Just stressed out." Marcus muttered. Alexandra smiled.

"It's okay, I'll make you feel better." She whispered in answer, kissing Marcus again before getting up, taking Marcus's hand and pulling him to the bedroom.

Marcus felt sick afterwards, for he had not even been thinking of Alexandra when they had been making love.

He had only been thinking about a pair of kind green eyes and a soft Italian accent.

~~~~

"Hi." Marcus said with a soft smile as he greeted Tonio with a hug. The Italian hugged back almost eagerly, before gesturing for him to sit down next to him at the table. Kimi, sitting across from them, stared at Marcus for a long moment, before sighing and looking away.

Team dinners were ways long and boring, but Marcus found it more than a little bearable. There was more than enough wine going around and Marcus was comfortably tipsy near the end of the dinner, Antonio leaning in close to his side as he showed him some pictures on his phone of his hometown.

"I have more pictures like this at home, if you want to see them." Antonio blurted out suddenly. Marcus bit his bottom lip, every fiber of his being screaming yes while the rational part of his brain told him to decline.

"I'd like that." Marcus muttered.

~~~

Antonio's apartment was small but cozy, and Antonio had been true to his word - there were a lot of pictures of his hometown and family.

Still, there was no denying there was tension in the air. You didn't just invite your colleague to your home at midnight just to show pictures. 

"Here you go." Antonio smiled, coming up behind him and handing Marcus a glass of water. Marcus smiled.

"Thanks." He muttered, searching Tonio's eyes for a moment.

"Wait, there is something on your lip." Marcus muttered, reaching out to hesitantly drag his thumb over Antonio's bottom lip. The Italian's breathing hitched, Antonio fumbling a little to put his glass down.

"Please don't hate me." Antonio gasped out, before pulling Marcus into a deep, lingering kiss.

Marcus tensed at first, mind briefly going to Alexandra, but then he sighed, giving in to Tonio's soft touch and kissing back just as needily, tingling all over at the feeling of Antonio filling all his senses.

“We shouldn’t…” Antonio whispered as Marcus gently pushed him onto the sofa. Antonio only briefly hesitated and then gasped and threw his head back, allowing Marcus to mouth at his throat. Marcus let out a shaky breath against the Italian’s warm skin, holding him close.

“I know.” he said hoarsely, holding up his arms so Antonio could pull off his shirt, the Italian’s hands on his chest making Marcus shiver as Marcus reached over to take off Marcus's shirt too.

“You have a girlfriend.” Antonio muttered, crawling over Marcus and straddling his legs. 

“I know.” Marcus sighed deeply, closing his eyes in shame and letting out a groan when Antonio kissed him again. 

He shouldn’t do this, he should be thinking about Alexandra, sweet beautiful Alexandra, but Marcus could only think about Antonio, about how good he felt in his hands, how good Antonio’s stubble felt against his cheeks and how sweet the man tasted.

“I don’t want to stop.” Antonio groaned, resting their foreheads together and tracing his fingers over the freckles on Marcus’s skin. 

“I know.” Marcus gasped, undoing Antonio’s belt. “Me neither.” 

Marcus wasn't sure what he was doing once they were undressed, Tonio guiding him with gentle touches. Marcus felt hazy with alcohol and emotions, watching through lidded eyes as Tonio opened himself up quickly, one hand braced on Marcus's chest as he still straddled Marcus's hips. 

Marcus fumbled with a condom, barely finishing rolling it on before Antonio was already sinking down on his cock.

"Fuck." Marcus groaned out, sitting up a bit more and holding Tonio close, the Italian whispering softly to him in Italian and stroking his cheeks as he slowly moved his hips, fucking himself on Marcus's cock.

Marcus came embarrassingly quickly, face buried in Tonio's neck as he moaned and shuddered.

Alexandra had never made him feel this way.

"S-sorry." Marcus whispered against Antonio's shoulder as the Italian still rolled his hips, jerking his own neglected cock off until he came as well, spilling over Marcus's chest. 

When Marcus looked up at Tonio, trying to catch his breath while Antonio still seemed in his post-orgasm haze, he realised two things.

1\. He was very much into guys.  
2\. He was very much into Antonio.

Marcus hated having to leave Antonio afterwards, the Italian seeming tense and honestly horrified at having slept with a man who was very much in a relationship. 

"I'm so sorry." Antonio whispered, hiding his face in his hands as Marcus got dressed. The Italian had only tugged his boxers back on, and Marcus swallowed thickly, finding himself wanting to kiss all the exposed tan skin until Antonio was smiling again.

"For what?" Marcus whispered. Antonio sighed.

"You have a girlfriend, a-and you're straight." Tonio mumbled. Marcus sighed, slinking back onto the sofa next to Antonio.

"I don't think I'm straight." He mumbled. "I think I can be sure of that after tonight." He added in a huff. Tonio recoiled when Marcus reached for him.

"T-this meant nothing then? Just a quick fuck for you to realise if you're straight or not?" Antonio whispered hoarsely. Marcus sighed, wiping at his face.

"I really like you Antonio. You make me feel things that I didn't know were real." Marcus murmured. Antonio shook his head.

"Don't say that, not when you're going home to Alexandra." He sniffled, promptly getting up and rushing to the bathroom, the lock clicking shut after him.

"Tonio?" Marcus tried, but he got no answer.

Marcus went home with a heavy heart. Alexandra was sitting on their bed, still dressed when Marcus walked into the bedroom, offering Marcus a small smile. 

"How was he?" She asked. Marcus blinked.

"W-what?" He asked, not understanding. Alexandra sighed.

"I've seen the way you look at Tonio. Don't tell me nothing happened." She whispered, voice trembling. Marcus swallowed thickly.

"Alexandra, I-" he tried desperately. Alexandra sighed, shaking her head and getting up from the bed.

"It's okay. Just don't apologise. I've always known this wasn't forever." She whispered. "This was fun while it lasted, but I'm not staying when you don't love me anymore." She was staying so calm, it only made Marcus feel worse for betraying her. 

"I-I…" Marcus tried to explain. "I do love you." He whispered. Alexandra walked over, touching his cheek.

"But not like you love _him_." She whispered. Marcus just lowered his eyes and shook his head. He felt Alexandra's lips briefly press over his. 

"Then be with him. This is unfair to both of us." Alexandra whispered, tears filling her eyes. Marcus let out a sob.

"I'm scared." He gasped out. Alexandra gently brushed a tear off his cheek.

"You'll be okay. What's not to love about you?" She whispered, and Marcus could almost see her heart breaking.

"You should hurt me, I deserve it." He whispered. Alexandra shook her head.

"If you love someone, you need to know when to let them go." She said, stepping away and gathering her suitcase and bag. Marcus couldn't move, couldn't _breathe_ , and only stood there rooted to the spot as Alexandra left.

_What's not to love about you?_ Alexandra had said.

Marcus wasn't even sure he deserved love anymore.

~~~~~

"Marcus…" Antonio breathed out as he opened the door to find the Swede on the other side. Marcus smiled awkwardly.

"Hey." He could only manage in answer.

It's been a week since Alexandra had left, a week since Marcus had slept with Antonio and while Marcus wasn't doing better, he at least understood what he wanted.

He had ran to Daniel and Max the moment Alexandra had shut the door behind him, Daniel holding him as Marcus rambled about what was going on, about what he felt and who he felt for.

They had talked for hours and while Marcus was still ashamed, Daniel seemed to understand. 

"Look, cheating is bad, Mate." The Aussie had said. "But if you really care for Antonio like you say, then at least give it a shot. Maybe go out for a date first this time instead of directly fucking him on the sofa, and this might blossom into something beautiful." 

Marcus had taken his advice to heart, and while he felt ridiculous in his best pants and button up shirt, holding a large bouquet of roses while Antonio just _stared_ at him, he also felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"I'm gay." Marcus blurted out. "Or well, bisexual. And I think you are an amazing person inside and out and I would love to take you out on a date." He had rambled the words out so fast he wasn't even sure Antonio had heard him, and flinched backwards when Antonio just stayed quiet.

"I understand you don't want to go out with someone who cheats on his girlfriend, a-and I understand if you hate me-" Marcus continued quickly. Tonio sighed.

"I really like you two." The Italian whispered. "But I want to take things slow, build up trust… You have a lot of things to get used to and I just need to know that you really like _me_ not just the idea of me." He added. 

Marcus could cry with the relief that flooded his body.

"I'm okay with that, I want to take things slow too." He sniffled. Antonio smiled gently, reached out to touch Marcus's cheek.

"Then wait here." He whispered. "I'll get changed and we can go out for dinner." He added, seeming to feel the same excitement and giddy nervousness that made Marcus feel as if he was flying. The Swede offered Antonio a soft smile.

"It's a date."

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr; bwoahtastic


End file.
